St. Thomas’ Episcopal Church, Owings Mills MD
August 13, 2023
Year A, Proper 14: The 11th Sunday after Pentecost
Genesis 37:1-4, 12-28
Psalm 105:1-6, 16-22, 45b
Romans 10:5-15
Matthew 14:22-23
Trust Issues
It seems that each week brings terrifying and troubling reminders of the big and challenging problems that we face as a people.
We’ve had catastrophes caused, probably in large part, by climate change: the fiery and deadly destruction on beautiful Maui and the increasingly powerful storms that keep rolling though our area, including the one the other day that knocked down all those utility poles in Westminster, leaving drivers trapped in their cars for hours and cutting off power for days.
Here at St. Thomas’, we’re still dealing with, and will be dealing with for a long time, the aftermath of the storm from a couple of weeks ago that brought down an old tree into a churchyard, doing terrible damage to some of our oldest monuments.
In our public life, the government isn’t really doing much governing. Instead, we’re consumed with partisan bickering and countless accusations and investigations – of which there is no end in sight.
And, everyone I know looks ahead to next year’s presidential election with dread.
A lot of ink gets spilled trying to figure out why we’re in such a mess.
And I’m certainly not the first to say that the fundamental problem is a break down in trust.
Yes, we have big time trust issues.
Sometimes with good reason and sometimes not, we don’t trust many – most – of our leaders and institutions – we don’t trust scientists, journalists, politicians, and even teachers, and, yes, the clergy.
We also don’t trust each other – sometimes for good reason but often because we just don’t know each other in the way that people in the past knew each other.
This is one reason why church – why this church - is so important.
This is one of the few remaining places where people from different walks of life and with different viewpoints can come together and get to know each other and do good together and love each other – to be different and diverse, sure, but also to be one in everything that really matters.
But even we have our trust issues, right?
Since we don’t know each other as well as we might or should, we may not totally trust one another.
And, worst of all, we may not really trust God, especially when life gets difficult.
If we’re being totally honest with ourselves, we might admit that often we are what are sometimes called “functional atheists” – we say we believe in God but we don’t really trust God. Instead, we believe that ultimate responsibility rests on us.
We have trust issues.
Among all of Jesus’ disciples, we know the most about Peter the fisherman.
Jesus says that Peter is “the rock” upon whom he will build his church.
But we know that this “rock” was often not so solid.
Like us, Peter is a mixed bag – sometimes faithful and courageous, – and other times doubtful and frightened.
And in today’s gospel lesson, we see Peter’s mixed bag nature on full display, don’t we?
The setting is right after one of Jesus’ greatest miracles - the Feeding of the Multitudes – when Jesus took a woefully insufficient amount of bread and fish and transformed it into a meal of overflowing abundance – enough food to feed the huge crowd, with plenty of leftovers.
After that big and miraculous meal, we’re told that Jesus made the disciples get into a boat and “go on ahead to the other side” while Jesus dismissed the well-fed crowd, which I bet wasn’t so easy.
I know I’d want to stick around for more of that free delicious miracle food!
But after the disciples survive a stormy night at sea, we’re told that Jesus walks on the water toward the probably exhausted and definitely terrified disciples, who reasonably conclude that they are seeing ghost.
Jesus tries to reassure his friends.
“Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid,” he says.
Our friend Peter is not totally convinced, not totally trusting. He says, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”
Which is a strange request, right?
It sounds a little like Peter is saying I want to be God, too.
But, to his credit, Peter, does trust. He steps out in faith, steps out of the boat, and manages to take a few miraculous steps on the water. But the wind kicks up and his trust – in himself and in Jesus - quickly falters. And when he begins to sink he cries out to the Lord to save him, which Jesus does without delay.
Like all of us imperfect people, Peter had trust issues.
But, as Peter learned that day as he was sinking, the very good news is that God will not let go of us, no matter our trust issues, no matter what.
Over the past couple of years, you’ve heard me mention the fact that I was a teacher before I went to seminary and was ordained a priest.
In fact, I mentioned that in last week’s sermon, when I said that I had been out of the classroom for about twenty years.
That’s almost entirely true, but it glosses over that about eight years ago, I made a very brief return to teaching.
A little background:
I had always missed teaching – missed spending my days surrounded by other people – missed having colleagues who, in many cases, were also good friends.
Also, clergy are expensive – worth every penny, of course! – but expensive, and that bothered me.
So, when I heard that my alma mater – the school I later taught at and left to go to seminary – was looking for a Religion teacher, I thought that this was the answer to my prayers.
I could get back to teaching, but teaching religion, so that would align with my priestly vocation.
At the same time, I would continue at my church, but only part-time, which would ease financial pressure for the church while also giving me a little security.
Others had doubts, but I convinced myself that I could do my job at the same level in half the time.
If this is sounding like functional atheism, you’re right!
At first, it was great to be back at school, to see old friends, to prepare my classes.
But then classes actually started and I discovered that I was really rusty and that education had changed a whole lot since I was gone, now much more reliant on technology.
If I could’ve brought Sue to school with me for tech support, maybe I could’ve pulled it off.
And then, I came home from school and had to do my church work. Maybe if I were twenty years younger, I could have done both jobs, but not now.
It only took a couple of days for me to realize that I had made a terrible mistake and was sinking fast – and so I asked to speak to the school’s principal, who, by the way, happened to have been a classmate and one of my closest friends.
I told him that I just couldn’t do it and apologized for making his life much more difficult.
And, I talked to the leaders of the church and asked if, uh, maybe we could go back to the way things had been before – like a week ago - and they very graciously and, I think, happily obliged.
Since I’m standing up here telling you all this, I guess I’m pretty much over it. But, at the time, and for years after, I was so embarrassed that I had misjudged things so badly and created such a mess.
As I’ve reflected on that painful experience, I’ve come to see that when I stepped out in faith, it was mostly misplaced faith in myself – somehow I thought that I could do two full-time jobs – rather than faith, or trust, in God.
I had grown so fearful about the future – about my future - that I no longer trusted that God would not let go of me, no matter what.
But God did not let go of me and, with God’s help, in the following years we were able to do some wonderful work in Jersey City.
And my good friend the principal and I are still good friends.
And eventually, God invited me to a seemingly unlikely place, a place I might never had encountered unless, I don’t know, my father and I made a wrong turn on our way to Camden Yards.
So, Peter and I have learned some important lessons.
No matter our many real and challenging problems, no matter how mixed up we are, no matter if it feels like we are sinking, God is trustworthy.
No matter our trust issues, God is trustworthy.
And our trustworthy God will never let go of us, no matter what.
Amen.
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