George's Way

Grace Episcopal Church, Madison NJ

May 6, 2023

The Funeral of George Hayman

Isaiah 25:6-9

Revelation 7:9-17

John 14:1-6a

George’s Way

Alleluia! Christ is risen!

The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia!

I want to start by thanking Mother Susan for graciously sharing her pulpit with me. Once again, your hospitality is much appreciated.

And I want to thank Lauren for inviting me to come back home, and share a few words with you today.

So, I began my homily with the Easter Acclamation, and I did that for two reasons.

First, I hoped it might settle my nervousness, at least a little.

And second, I love that George’s funeral is taking place during the Easter Season.

Every Christian funeral is an Easter celebration - there are always at least a few “Alleluias.” 

But it’s during the Eastertide that we most especially celebrate God’s love for us – God’s unbreakable bond of love with us – a bond that is stronger than anything – a bond that withstands even death itself.

Alleluia! Christ is risen!

The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia!

Since we’re now well into the Easter Season, today’s gospel lesson may have sounded a little jarring – a little out of time - because it takes us all the way back to Holy Week, back to the Last Supper.

Jesus had been predicting his death for some time.

But, the disciples couldn’t or wouldn’t hear it.

We know how it is.

Even with plenty of advance warning, it’s hard to accept that someone we love is going to suffer and die.

But that night, when Jesus gathered with his friends for one last meal, the hard truth must have been sinking in.

With time running out, Jesus teaches the disciples - and us - a few last, most important lessons:

Jesus washes feet and says this is how it should be with us - wash each other’s feet - love one another.

Jesus blesses bread and wine and says this is my body and blood – and I will be with you each time you’re at the table and remember me.

Some most important and unforgettable lessons.

And, as we heard this morning, Jesus promises that we will be reunited – and Jesus even says that we know the way to the place of reunion.

It’s only Thomas who is brave enough, honest enough, to say, “Lord, we do not know the way to the place where you are going. How can we know the way?”

And, Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”

I doubt that cleared things up very much, but a few days later, after the first Easter, when the disciples knew that death had in fact been defeated, they began to understand and proclaim that Jesus is the way to new life.

For us, Jesus is the way – and the way of Jesus is giving our selves away in loving service to God and one another.

Jesus is the way – but the way of Jesus is not a one-size-fits-all way.

No, we are all called and challenged to discover our own unique way along the way.

And, I think that you will all agree that our much-loved George – he definitely found his own unique way along the way – he walked his own way along the way – and we were all so blessed by George’s Way.

I began to discover George’s Way the very first time I met him.

Some of my Grace Church friends may remember that back when I was finishing seminary and the possibility of serving here as curate first came up, I wasn’t sure if this was the right place for me.

I had lived pretty much my whole life in Jersey City, and Madison seemed, I don’t know, pretty fancy and, well, very green, and I was afraid that I wouldn’t fit in with the people here, that we wouldn’t have much in common.

But, you know, I needed a job.

So, I came out here for a day of interviews – meeting with Lauren and several wonderful parishioners and staff members – and by the afternoon I was thinking these people are pretty great and this is an exciting place… but I still had those nagging doubts.

Near the end of the day, Lauren and I were wrapping up in her office – and then George arrived. I can’t remember if he knocked on the door or just walked in – probably just walked in.

Lauren introduced him as her husband George but he stuck out his hand and with a mischievous smile and said, “Mr. Lauren Ackland – glad to meet you!”

I didn’t know what was going on – it had been a long day!

But George started talking about his days working with the mission churches in Jersey City and, well, our friendship was off and running – and I knew that this would be a good place for me.

As he did for so many others, with his warmth and straightforwardness and his kind of – let’s say off-beat - sense of humor, George immediately put me at ease. 

And while “Mr. Lauren Ackland” was a long-running self-deprecating joke, it pointed to a deep and beautiful truth.

As you know, George was a smart and talented and interesting guy – a loving and loyal son, brother, uncle, and friend - a gifted writer and designer of bulletins and booklets – a lover of history – an accomplished golfer – a dedicated public servant - a lifelong singer and appreciator of music – a devoted Yankees fan (with a soft spot for the Baltimore Orioles) – but, at least in my experience, George’s Way was very much about supporting Lauren – loving her by supporting her ministry, authentically and generously.

And it seems that was true right from the start – I loved that George used to begin telling stories about General Seminary by saying, “When we were at seminary…”

At St. Alban’s and here at Grace, George threw himself into church life – the choir, the altar guild, attending just about every church event – plays and concerts featuring Grace kids - so many diocesan meetings, and conventions, and special services and on and on.

George was an important role model for all the clergy spouses who passed through Grace Church during those years, including my wife Sue. Not that they could or should imitate him exactly. But through his life and his ministry, he showed that clergy spouses could be supportive while also being themselves – because George was never anyone but himself.

As I’ve been thinking about our days together here at Grace, one particular image has been coming to mind.

Back then, the first service on Sunday was at 7:30am.

I’m a morning person and that always felt a little early to me!

George was most definitely not a morning person and yet whenever Lauren was preaching, he would come over from the rectory and take a seat up there in the choir loft where most of the 7:30 congregation couldn’t see him – but the preacher would know that he was there.

George was there to be fed by Lauren’s words and wisdom – he was there to support her, even at that early hour, even after having heard hundreds and hundreds of her sermons, even when he was going to hear that same sermon several more times that day.

That was George’s Way.

I’m very glad that in his final months, George was able to hear how much we loved and appreciated him.

Lauren, of course, was tireless in her love and devotion – that’s her way.

And, lots of other people got in touch and some of us were able to visit.

I’m happy to report that George held onto his sense of humor until just about the end.

The last time we were together, I was sitting at his bedside trying to keep it together while George was kind of drifting in and out, and then, at one point, he opened his eyes, looked over at me and asked, “Are you having fun, yet?”

In his last days, George heard music – music only he could hear. 

I think he was hearing the music from the mountaintop party envisioned by the Prophet Isaiah – the place of reunion prepared by Jesus - that grand celebration with the best food and drink – a party more joyous than we can imagine.

Here’s the thing, though, for George it would not be heaven without us - it wouldn’t be the best party ever without Lauren and his family and friends.

So, about that.

I’ve been told that there are two types of time.

Maybe you’ve heard this, too.

There’s chronological time – you know, one thing after another.

But there’s also God’s time – and in God’s time, past, present, and future, lose their distinction.

For now, you and I are in chronological time.

But, George, he has stepped into God’s time – he is already in the place of reunion.

And although we can’t quite fully see it or feel it yet, we are there with him, too.

Today, we’re getting just a taste of that heavenly banquet, crying and feasting and singing and laughing – giving thanks to God for our many blessings, giving thanks most of all, for George Hayman and for George’s Way.

Amen.