St. Thomas’ Episcopal Church, Owings Mills MD
October 3, 2021
Year B, Proper 22: The Nineteenth Sunday after Pentecost
Job 1:1, 2:1-10
Psalm 26
Hebrews 1:1-4; 2:5-12
Mark 1-0:2-16
Mutual Joy
One of the best parts of starting something new – a new job, moving to a new place – is that there are so many firsts.
Here at St. Thomas’, I will always remember my first service with all of you - one of the ultimate mountaintop experiences of my life.
Over the past couple of months since that memorable morning, there have been a lot of other firsts, but there are still more to come.
I’m particularly excited about my first baptism here, in just about a month.
And, I’ve got my first wedding on the calendar, in June. In fact, the other day I had the pleasure of meeting with the bride and her mother.
Actually, because of the pandemic, it’s been a while since I’ve officiated at a wedding, and while talking with the bride and her mother I realized that I’ve missed it. I’ve missed the weddings themselves – all the joy and excitement as the couple makes some big promises to each other, usually surrounded by family and friends who love them so much.
But, more than the service itself – which, I’ll be honest, can sometimes be more than a little stressful – I’ve missed meeting with couples, helping them to prepare for their wedding and, much more important, doing my best to get them ready for their married life together.
We usually begin by spending some time getting to know each other. I like to find out how they met, what they love best about each other, and what made them decide to make these big promises to each other.
We talk about their relationship, looking at some of the weak and maybe even painful spots, recognizing that the Church’s blessing, and a certificate issued by the State, will not solve any of the problems or challenges they may have.
And, lastly, we walk through the service – the marriage liturgy of The Book of Common Prayer – the service that’s used in almost every TV and movie wedding because the beauty of its language is unmatched.
They always smile when I begin with the famous words, “Dearly beloved.” And then the service continues with a little history of marriage.
There’s one part where I always slow down. The Prayer Book declares that this union “in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord.”
And then I stop. And, in case they missed it, I point out that the very first intention – the very first purpose – of marriage is mutual joy.
I remind them that more than anything else, they will be promising to give one another joy.
Now, at this point, there are usually some tears in the room.
I thought of all those premarital sessions, all those excited and sometimes nervous couples, when I first sat down to grapple with today’s particularly difficult gospel lesson.
As I don’t need to tell you, this passage has been used to hurt a whole lot of people – people who have divorced, people who have divorced and remarried, and also gay people who have so wanted to commit to mutual joy but were turned away by the Church for so long.
Because this passage has been used to hurt people, I was tempted to dodge it and maybe just talk about St. Francis or something, but I know that you would not approve of me chickening out!
So, let’s get to it.
The passage begins with the Pharisees, who are often depicted as foes of Jesus, asking a question to test him.
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
Now, since the Pharisees get a bad rap in the New Testament, I usually try to give them the benefit of the doubt. But this time they are asking a question to which every Jew of that time and place knew the answer:
Yes. Jewish Law absolutely allowed a man to divorce his wife.
It did not allow a woman to divorce her husband but, in an interesting little wrinkle, Roman Law did give women that right. So, Jewish women living under the Roman rule could and sometimes did divorce their husbands.
But, Jewish Law was clear. So, there really was no debate about if a man could divorce his wife, only about the details about why and how.
Since the answer was obvious, I wonder why the Pharisees asked Jesus this question. Maybe they wanted to debate the fine points of the law. Or, maybe they had gotten wind of what Jesus had been saying about marriage and divorce and wanted to get him on the record.
Well, for whatever reason, the question was asked.
And, rather than debating fine points of the law, Jesus looks all the way back to the beginning, back to the original intention of marriage: to become one flesh.
And, if Jesus had just stopped there, this passage would not be so difficult. But, then he continues with what certainly sounds like an uncompromising condemnation of divorce and remarriage.
So, what are we to make of this?
Well, it’s certainly true that first century Palestine was a patriarchal society. And, as I mentioned, under Jewish Law only men could initiate divorce. And, let’s be frank, probably more than a few of those men suffered from what Jesus calls “hardness of heart.” So, we don’t have to stretch too far to imagine that divorce was often very bad news for women, who were likely to be cast aside and left in desperate straits.
And, it’s really important to remember that in this teaching Jesus is not speaking about physically or emotionally abusive relationships - abuse which, tragically, is an epidemic in our country. It is sobering to consider how this one passage has forced so many people to remain in marriages that were dangerous, and sometimes even deadly.
And, speaking of one passage, as you know we only read and hear brief biblical excerpts each Sunday. But, despite this kind of episodic practice, it’s essential that we don’t lose sight of the big picture.
And the big picture is that God sent Jesus into the world not to condemn the world but to save the world. Over and over, when the disciples and others fell short of the ideal, Jesus offered correction, yes, but most of all forgiveness, and the encouragement to go forth and sin no more.
In fact, the only people Jesus condemns are the hypocrites, the people whose own lives are far from perfect but who are quick to place heavy burdens on others, quick to point out the failings of others, quick to beat up people with a single scrap of Scripture taken out of context.
And, finally, while there is no getting around this hard teaching on divorce and remarriage, we also shouldn’t lose sight of how Jesus responds to the Pharisees by cutting through the fine points of the law and getting to the heart of the matter.
Just like back in the first century, marriage today is a contract. In today’s world, nearly all of the couples I meet with for premarital counseling have been living together for quite some time. It’s easy for them to think that a piece of paper won’t make much difference one way or the other. So, I always remind them that once I sign the marriage license, the legal nature of their relationship changes dramatically. In short, it becomes a lot harder to get out of.
But Jesus reminds us that marriage is meant to be much more than a contract.
So, today, Jesus gives us a hard teaching on divorce and remarriage – a teaching that was hard to hear two thousand years ago and that is hard for us to hear today.
But, today Jesus also reminds us that the heart of marriage is two becoming one flesh, meant to give each other mutual joy.
So, today let’s pray for all married couples: those whose union is strong, those who are struggling, and those who have decided they can no longer go forward together.
May God bless them all.
Amen.
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